Eight (or is it nine) Oscar Wildes

http://browse.deviantart.com/?qh=&section=&q=oscar#/dupbcn

Oscar Wilde (1854-1900), Irish dramatist, poet, and author had a whole bunch of quotable moments. Here are a few of my favorites ...

"Always forgive your enemies, nothing annoys them so much."

"Every portrait that is painted with feeling is a portrait of the artist, not of the sitter."

"Genius is born--not paid."

“I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.”

“To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all.”

“We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.”

"If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they'll kill you."

And this famous one ...

“Women are made to be loved not understood.”

I’ll hold onto your head!

A mini bedtime story ... On one occasion, Peppermint Patty said to Marcie: “I'd like to read this book, Marcie, but I'm kind of afraid. I had a grandfather who didn't think much of reading.”

She continued by saying, “He always said that if you read too many books, your head would fall off.”

Marcie responds, “you start the first chapter, and I'll hold onto your head!”

Which Era Are You From?

You know …. When you are 54 and have kids, even grandkids … The kiddles just love to needle a man on how old they are. Just must be part of the territory! My daughter has been motivated to send me this quiz to “prove” that I’m not nearly as up to date as I think I am. Well lets see ….

http://quizilla.teennick.com/quizzes/16707302/which-era-are-you-from

My result:

70′s

You are very hip, and you love peace signs and are carefree!!

E-gads she’s right!!!! lol

Stained Glass

First Children's Message

An area minister tells of his first Sunday in the new parish and presenting the children's message.

Seems the sanctuary in the new church had some magnificent stained glass windows, so his message centered on how each of us is called of God to help make up the whole picture of life (the life of the community of the faithful). Like the pictures in the windows, it takes many little panels of glass to make the whole picture.

And then he said, "You see each one of you is a little pane."

And then pointing to each child individually . . . "You're a little pane. And you're a little pane. And you're a little pane. And..."

It took a few moments before he realized why everyone was laughing so hard.

Mennonites With an Attitude???

I just found this graphic, on the web site of a self-described Mennonite artist. I really don't know what to say other than, "You go, girl."

Politically Correct Little Red Riding Hood (looooooooong one)?

There once was a young person named Little Red Riding Hood who lived on the edge of a large forest full of endangered owls and rare plants that would probably provide a cure for cancer if only someone took the time to study them.

Red Riding Hood lived with a nurture giver whom she sometimes referred to as "mother", although she didn't mean to imply by this term that she would have thought less of the person if a close biological link did not in fact exist.

Nor did she intend to denigrate the equal value of nontraditional households, although she was sorry if this was the impression conveyed.

One day her mother asked her to take a basket of organically grown fruit and mineral water to her grandmother's house.

"But mother, won't this be stealing work from the unionized people who have struggled for years to earn the right to carry all packages between various people in the woods?"

Red Riding Hood's mother assured her that she had called the union boss and gotten a special compassionate mission exemption form.

"But mother, aren't you oppressing me by ordering me to do this?"

Red Riding Hood's mother pointed out that it was impossible for womyn to oppress each other, since all womyn were equally oppressed until all womyn were free.

"But mother, then shouldn't you have my brother carry the basket, since he's an oppressor, and should learn what it's like to be oppressed?"

And Red Riding Hood's mother explained that her brother was attending a special rally for animal rights, and besides, this wasn't stereotypical womyn's work, but an empowering deed that would help engender a feeling of community.

"But won't I be oppressing Grandma, by implying that she's sick and hence unable to independently further her own selfhood?"

But Red Riding Hood's mother explained that her grandmother wasn't actually sick or incapacitated or mentally handicapped in any way, although that was not to imply that any of these conditions were inferior to what some people called "health".

Thus Red Riding Hood felt that she could get behind the idea of delivering the basket to her grandmother, and so she set off.

Many people believed that the forest was a foreboding and dangerous place, but Red Riding Hood knew that this was an irrational fear based on cultural paradigms instilled by a patriarchal society that regarded the natural world as an exploitable resource, and hence believed that natural predators were in fact intolerable competitors.

Other people avoided the woods for fear of thieves and deviants, but Red Riding Hood felt that in a truly classless society all marginalized peoples would be able to "come out" of the woods and be accepted as valid lifestyle role models.

On her way to Grandma's house, Red Riding Hood passed a woodchopper, and wandered off the path, in order to examine some flowers.

She was startled to find herself standing before a Wolf, who asked her what was in her basket.

Red Riding Hood's teacher had warned her never to talk to strangers, but she was confident in taking control of her own budding sexuality, and chose to dialogue with the Wolf.

She replied, "I am taking my Grandmother some healthful snacks in a gesture of solidarity."

The Wolf said, "You know, my dear, it isn't safe for a little girl to walk through these woods alone."

Red Riding Hood said, "I find your sexist remark offensive in the extreme, but I will ignore it because of your traditional status as an outcast from society, the stress of which has caused you to develop an alternative and yet entirely valid worldview. Now, if you'll excuse me, I would prefer to be on my way."

Red Riding Hood returned to the main path, and proceeded towards her Grandmother's house.

But because his status outside society had freed him from slavish adherence to linear, Western-style thought, the Wolf knew of a quicker route to Grandma's house.

He burst into the house and ate Grandma, a course of action affirmative of his nature as a predator.

Then, unhampered by rigid, traditionalist gender role notions, he put on Grandma's nightclothes, crawled under the bedclothes, and awaited developments.

Red Riding Hood entered the cottage and said,

"Grandma, I have brought you some cruelty free snacks to salute you in your role of wise and nurturing matriarch."

The Wolf said softly "Come closer, child, so that I might see you."

Red Riding Hood said, "Goddess! Grandma, what big eyes you have!"

"You forget that I am optically challenged."

"And Grandma, what an enormous, what a fine nose you have."

"Naturally, I could have had it fixed to help my acting career, but I didn't give in to such societal pressures, my child."

"And Grandma, what very big, sharp teeth you have!"

The Wolf could not take any more of these racist slurs, and, in a reaction appropriate for his accustomed milieu, he leaped out of bed, grabbed Little Red Riding Hood, and opened his jaws so wide that she could see her poor Grandmother cowering in his belly.

"Aren't you forgetting something?" Red Riding Hood bravely shouted. "You must request my permission before proceeding to a new level of intimacy!"

The Wolf was so startled by this statement that he loosened his grasp on her.

At the same time, the woodchopper burst into the cottage, brandishing an ax.

"Hands off!" cried the woodchopper.

"And what do you think you're doing?" cried Little Red Riding Hood. "If I let you help me now, I would be expressing a lack of confidence in my own abilities, which would lead to poor self esteem and lower achievement scores on college entrance exams."

"Last chance, sister! Get your hands off that endangered species! This is an FBI sting!" screamed the woodchopper, and when Little Red
Riding Hood nonetheless made a sudden motion, he sliced off her head.

"Thank goodness you got here in time," said the Wolf. "The brat and her grandmother lured me in here. I thought I was a goner."

"No, I think I'm the real victim, here," said the woodchopper. "I've been dealing with my anger ever since I saw her picking those protected flowers earlier. And now I'm going to have such a trauma. Do you have any aspirin?"

"Sure," said the Wolf.

"Thanks."

"I feel your pain," said the Wolf, and he patted the woodchopper on his firm, well padded back, gave a little belch, and said, "Do you have any Maalox?"

-Author Unknown

I am a Christian

When I say, "I am a Christian," I'm not shouting, "I've been saved!"
I'm whispering, "I get lost! That's why I chose this way"

When I say, "I am a Christian," I don't speak with human pride
I'm confessing that I stumble-needing God to be my guide

When I say, "I am a Christian," I'm not trying to be strong
I'm professing that I'm weak and pray for strength to carry on

When I say, "I am a Christian," I'm not bragging of success
I'm admitting that I've failed and cannot ever pay the debt

When I say, "I am a Christian," I don't think I know it all
I submit to my confusion asking humbly to be taught

When I say, "I am a Christian," I'm not claiming to be perfect
My flaws are far too visible but God believes I'm worth it

When I say, "I am a Christian," I still feel the sting of pain
I have my share of heartache which is why I seek His name

When I say, "I am a Christian," I do not wish to judge
I have no authority--I only know I'm loved


Copyright 1988 Carol Wimmer

Batgirl On Glass

I happened across this photo and I have to admit that I'm totally amazed! Do not attempt to do this at home! lol How on earth can this woman do this? Although I know about the feeling of walking on glass the past few weeks this is stunning! And whats up with the Batgirl costume? Or is it Catwoman ...

Tim, bamboozled again ...

Hot Water

"I believe in getting into hot water; it keeps you clean."

~G.K. Chesterton

I found it funny with a bit of truth ...

The Royality Quiz

Here's an online quiz I found ... Royalty Quiz ...

Click here: Nishi's A Dream I Dream Royalty Quiz My answer .

..

You are a King!
Strong, Wise, Noble, Compassionate.
A Born Leader!

You are the epitome of what every man should be. What sets you apart from the other men of rank and nobility is you combine every best quality they possess into one. You are skilled, motivated, ambitious, filled with a sense of purpose and morality. You know when to relax and have fun and when to be serious and courageous. You seek peace, prosperity and love in your life, and as a ruler, you seek it for your kingdom. Others follow you because of your ability to move them, and because you earned their respect. You are admired, even envied, but above all else, greatly loved.

Why of course!

The school that I'm now attending have as their nich name the "Badgers" and the motto of, "Its a great day to be a badger!" Something about that cracks me up, although its perhaps a tad distirning ... Be that as it may ... This is SO, um......mindlessly disturbing and annoying......but it's REALLY COOL!! Oh just watch.

Click here: Flash / Banana Phone (Badgerphone)

http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/badgerphone.php

The "old" badger thing is here ... and it lasts 60 minutes, or so I'm told! I've only made it 5 minutes before meltdown ....

Oh well .... back to homework ....

no one thought they'd see you!!!

Upon entering heaven …

I was shocked, confused, bewildered as I entered Heaven’s door,Not by the beauty of it all, by the lights or its decor.

But it was the folks in Heaven who made me sputter and gasp –the thieves, the liars, the sinners, the alcoholics, the trash.

There stood the kid from seventh grade who swiped my lunch money twice.Next to him was my old neighbor who never said anything nice.

Herb, who I always thought was rotting away in hell,was sitting pretty on cloud nine, looking incredibly well.

I nudged the angel, “What’s the deal? I would love to hear Your take.How’d all these sinners get up here? God must’ve made a mistake.

And why’s everyone so quiet, so somber? Give me a clue.” “Hush, child,”said he. “They’re all in shock.

No one thought they’d see you.”

Author Unknown strikes again

Things We Can Learn from a Dog

Things We Can Learn from a Dog

Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joy ride.
Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face to be pure ecstasy.
When loved ones come home, always run to greet them.
When it's in your best interest, always practice obedience.
Let others know when they've invaded your territory.
Take naps and always stretch before rising.
Run, romp, and play daily.
Eat with gusto and enthusiasm.
Be loyal.

Never pretend to be something you're not.
If what you want lies buried, dig until you find it.
When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by and nuzzle them gently.
Delight in the simple joy of a long walk.
Thrive on attention and let people touch you.
Avoid biting when a simple growl will do.
On hot days, drink lots of water and lie under a shady tree.
When you are happy, dance around and wag your entire body.
No matter how often you are criticized, don't buy into the guilt thing and pout. Run right back and make friends.

I'm working on it! lol

Specialization is for insects

An interesting quote ...

A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is for insects.

--Heinlein

Ever Have One Of Those days?

You know, the ones where…

The driver in front of you feels a steady 16-17 miles per hour will get them where they want to in plenty of time for the New Year’s celebration?

The people standing in line in front of you aren’t really sure why they are in line, but imagine they’ll figure it out, once they get to the front.

In the drive-through behind someone who just ordered lunch for their 32 co-workers, then has to change 9 of them at the second window?

Ah …. Today is a new day ….

Look and Feel Canadian!!!!

What will they think of next??? lol

LOOK AND FEEL CANADIAN BREATH SPRAY

Why do I like hockey now?

You may have read about Canadians in books or watched documentaries about their country on TV. Discover the simple pleasures like trout fishing, snowshoeing, moose and maple syrup appreciation.

Peppermint Flavor .25 fl. oz./ 7.5ml

http://www.perpetualkid.com/index.asp?PageAction=VIEWPROD&ProdID=2190

Does this stuff work?

Bumper Stickers To Relate To

If You Can Read This, I Can Slam On My Brakes And Sue You

Forget World Peace -- Visualize Turning Off Your Turn Signal!

HANG UP AND DRIVE!

Where There's A Will...I Want To Be In It!

Ever Stop To Think, And Forget To Start Again?

If We Quit Voting Will They All Go Away?

This Bumper Sticker Exploits Illiterates

Eat Right, Exercise, Die Anyway

He Who Laughs Last Thinks Slowest

He Who Hesitates Is Not Only Lost, But Miles From The Next Exit

I Haven't Lost My Mind - It's Backed Up On Disk Somewhere

ancient Irish prayer (Or is it a curse?)

Something I came across ...

May the people love us; And if they don't love us, May the Lord turn their hearts; And if their hearts won't be turned, May the Lord turn their ankles, So that we can know them by their limping. Oh ... If only we can tell of those whose hearts aren't turned by their limping!

Have a blessed evening everyone! Tim

The Italian Tomato Garden

From an e-mail...
The Italian Tomato Garden

An Old Italian man lived alone in the country. He wanted to dig his tomato garden, but it was very hard work as the ground was hard. His only son, Vincent, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament.

Dear Vincent,

I am feeling pretty badly because it looks like I will not be able to plant my tomato garden this year. I am just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. I know if you were here, my troubles would be over. I know you would be happy to dig the plot for me.

Love,
Dad


A few days later he received a letter from his son...


Dear Dad,
Do not dig up that garden. That is where I buried the bodies.

Love,
Vinnie


At 4 am the next morning, FBI agents and local police arrived and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left. That same day the old man received another letter from his son...



Dear Dad,

Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now. That is the best I could do under the circumstances.

Love you,
Vinnie

Prayer Of The Stressed

Lord, help me to relax about insignificant details beginning tomorrow at 7:41:23 am.

God, help me to consider people's feelings, even if most of them ARE hypersensitive.

God, help me to take responsibility for my own actions, even though they're usually NOT my fault.

God, help me to not try to RUN everything. But, if You need some help, please feel free to ASK me!

Lord, help me to be more laid back and help me to do it EXACTLY right.

God, help me to take things more seriously, especially laughter, parties, and dancing.

God, give me patience, and I mean right NOW!

Lord, help me not be a perfectionist. (Did I spell that correctly?)

God, help me to finish everything I start.

God, help me to do only what I can, and trust you for the rest.

And would you mind putting that in writing?

Lord, keep me open to others' ideas, WRONG though they may be.

Lord, help me be less independent, but let me do it my way.

Lord, help me follow established procedures today.

On second thought,...I'll settle for a few minutes.

Lord, help me slow down andnotrushthroughwhatIdo.

Amen

~Author Unbeknownst 2 me