Scared of the Dark ~ Rich Mullins

i don't remember meeting Him
He had just always been there
when people ask me, "how did you meet the Lord?"
i don't know how to answer.
meeting Him seems unavoidable
recognizing Him can be tricky
loving Him seems impossible.
people often ask that too - "do you love Jesus?"
and again i'm stuck for an answer
i know the right one - the answer you're supposed to give
i know that it presupposes so many things that it could hardly be honest
so i say
as much as i love,
i love Jesus.

if love was easier, i would love Him more
but then again
if love was easier, it would hardly be worth the little
it would ask
if i was stronger, i would love Him more
or maybe
i would more know how little i love

we grow slowly,
and love takes time...

He's always been there
even in that dark room where i
slept as a child
scared of that dark
in that room that seem to want
to suck me deep into the night's
great lungs
i hated the thought that we were all
hanging upside down - off the bottom of the world
and that all that darkness out there that we
might fall into
was just a shadow of our own selves
just a shadow you could fall through forever.

she said that You were out there too
and then she'd tuck me in so tight that i would likely be safe
till morning
but no woman - not even your own mother
can kiss you without mixing some unspoken sorrow
into her affection
and i always thought
she might be kissing me good-bye
as well as good night

my aunt said that Jesus would knock on the door of my heart
and if i would open the door
He'd come in and sup with me
and when i was old enough to be ashamed of trying to tether myself to my mom
(with that last desperate good night)
i decided
that instead of lying there being afraid
i would listen for His knock.

i heard all kinds of things
scary things
amplified by the dark
and by my nervous and hopeful listenings
was it the voice of Eli? or the call of God?
was it the limbs of the trees outside?
or the knock i was to open to?

i did not worry about what Jesus would find to eat if He came in
i was a child and knew that out of a crowd
a boy would most likely have some fish and some loaves

but i am no longer a child
i am no longer afraid of the dark
i have new things to fear
i am no longer afraid that i will drift away from this world
i am afraid i will never escape it.

and i'm not afraid of good-byes
i've become so used to them it scares me.

i have never heard any knocking sound
that was distinct from every other noise
but i have learned to listen
and i'm thankful for learning

i don't know that the rumble of the thunder
or the crackle in a good fire
or the hum of my wheels
is the sound of Jesus knocking on
the door of my heart
but i'm thankful to Him for all
those sounds
and for giving me ears
and for teaching me to listen.

i don't know that the lonely ache that i
feel - even when times are the best
and friends are near -
is the way that it feels when He knocks,
when He calls,
but i'm thankful to have a heart.
i don't know that He would like everything in it
or that He would find any fish or loaves anymore
or much besides stone and snakes.

but sometimes
i get really brave, and
if i don't open the door
i at least unlock it

and when i look in
or when i look out
i can see that He's just always been there.

meeting Him seems unavoidable
recognizing Him can be tricky
loving Him seems impossible

we grow slowly,
and love takes time


-Rich Mullins, 1997

Down The Broken Road ...

Every long lost dream
Led me to where you are
Others who broke my heart
They were like Northern Stars
Pointing me on my way
Into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That lead me straight to you….
(Rascal Flatts, “Bless The Broken Road”)

It has been a difficult week! Now, I know – I’m no saint. Never have been. And I trust in the Gospel, that all who believe and are baptized will be saved. But it’s hard, at times, to recognize that it’s at least partly my failures at truly righteous living that have brought me (and those I love) to these kinds of impasses. A friend suggested to me that there is a big difference between prayers of supplication where I turn my prayer concern over to God and let it go, and praying just to manipulate God into giving me what I want. Ouch. There are many days I still can’t find the line between those two. I know beyond any doubt that I know how to do the latter much better than the former.

And then there are the words from singer Wayne Watson’s old classic, “Home Free:”

Out in the corridor,
We pray for life
A mother for her baby
A husband for his wife
Sometimes the good die young
It’s sad but true
But while we pray for one more heartbeat
The real comfort is in You
You know, pain has little mercy
And suff’rings no respecter or age
Of rank or position
I know that every prayer gets answered
But the hardest one to pray
Is slow to come
“O Lord, not mine
But your will be done….

Yeah, no kidding, Wayne. When I heard of older children’s ‘difficulties’ so to speak, I told him, “I keep telling God, ‘You’re not checking my list!’ And the fact that I even have a list is a good sign that I’m not quite all there, spiritually…”

In the end, I have to come back to the simple answer: God is God, and I am not. This side of the final trumpet, I will never know the “whys.” All I can do is sing and pray Wayne Watson’s chorus:

Home free
Eventually
At the ultimate healing
We will be home free…

Hard to Get

This song by Rich Mullins, like nearly everything that amazing guy wrote, blesses me and makes me feel more comfortable in my own skin as a believer ...


Hard to Get


You who live in heaven
Hear the prayers of those of us who live on earth
Who are afraid of being left by those we love
And who get hardened by the hurt
Do you remember when You lived down here where we all scrape
To find the faith to ask for daily bread
Did You forget about us after You had flown away
Well I memorized every word You said
Still I'm so scared, I'm holding my breath
While You're up there just playing hard to get
You who live in radiance
Hear the prayers of those of us who live in skin
We have a love that's not as patient as Yours was
Still we do love now and then
Did You ever know loneliness
Did You ever know need
Do You remember just how long a night can get?
When You were barely holding on
And Your friends fall asleep
And don't see the blood that's running in Your sweat
Will those who mourn be left uncomforted
While You're up there just playing hard to get?
And I know you bore our sorrows
And I know you feel our pain
And I know it would not hurt any less
Even if it could be explained
And I know that I am only lashing out
At the One who loves me most
And after I figured this, somehow All I really need to know
Is if You who live in eternity
Hear the prayers of those of us who live in time
We can't see what's ahead
And we can not get free of what we've left behind
I'm reeling from these voices that keep screaming in my ears
All the words of shame and doubt, blame and regret I can't see how
You're leading me unless
You've led me here
Where I'm lost enough to let myself be led
And so You've been here all along I guess
It's just Your ways and You are just plain hard to get.'

On To 2010!

Is anybody else having trouble believing 2009 is gone? There's really should be laws against Father Time speeding like this. It's amazing to think of all that has happened in this last year. This time 365 days ago, I was in an entirely different state, with very different responsibilities, and slightly whiter weather. So much has changed, so much has happened like the heart attack in April which has changed so much. I'm sure each of you feels the same for your own reasons.

New Years' usually becomes a very self-reflective time for me, evaluating the victories and failings of the previous year, and making plans for the next. And yes, even a couple of New Years resolutions. At some point towards the end of the year, I was looking at areas of my life I wanted to improve in. The mistakes I had made weighed on me, and I found myself wanting to just shut-down the rest of the year, and get a fresh start in 2008. It's silly, I know, but I was overwhelmed with how many ways I had messed-up in the year behind. Expectations of myself I had not lived up to. And it truly grieved me.

Christian singer Carolyn Arends put it this way:

New Year's Day

I buy a lot of diaries
Fill them full of good intentions
Each and every New Year's Eve
I make myself a list
All the things I'm gonna change
Until January 2nd
So this time I'm making one promise

CHORUS:
This will be my resolution
Every day is New Year's Day
This will be my resolution
Every day is New Year's Day

I believe it's possible
I believe in new beginnings
'Cause I believe in Christmas Day
And Easter morning too
And I'm convinced it's doable
'Cause I believe in second chances
Just the way that I believe in you

This will be my resolution
Every day is New Year's Day
This could start a revolution
Every day is...

One more chance to start all over
One more chance to change and grow
One more chance to grab a hold of grace
And never let it go

video:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7qzOYCS4UtA

Every new morning is a new chance to make things right. When we look a thoughts of long-term change, it can be very scary. Yet when we look at each day as a new chance to follow God, to overcome temptation, to make a difference in the lives of others, to love everyone around us with an amazing self-sacrificing love, it becomes a little more manageable. We will mess-up from time to time. But if you are willing to repent and ask forgiveness, each day with God can be a fresh start.

Have a most blessed new year everyone!

I can't stop falling in love with you!

Some worship lyrics by Steve Green I just had to share this evening! How can one not smile after this?

Tim

BETTER THAN LIFE

Better than the riches of this world,

Better than the sound of my friends' voices,

Better than the biggest dreams of my heart,

and that's just the start

Better than getting what I say I need,

Better than living the life that I want to,

Better than the love that anyone could give,

your love is

Pre chorus

And you hold me now in your arms and never let me go,

You Oh Lord made the sunshine, the moonlight in the night sky,

You give me breath and all your love, i give my heart to you because,

Chorus

I can't stop falling in love with you,

I'll never stop falling in love with you.

Life According to Wile E. Coyote

When I was a child, I used to sit for hours and watch Bugs Bunny/Road Runner Show. In fact I have a couple DVD's now for the 'kids'! lol Of course I was always curious about why Wile E. Coyote kept trying to catch the Road Runner when he always failed. And of course I always wanted him to get that annoying bird! And I think I may have an answer of why he kept at it ... We live in a plan "B" world!

Plan "A" is what we want; what WE plan; our goals; our desires. Plan "A" is all about us, like the coyote was all about getting the Road Runner. We stress and obsess over our plans, giving not much regard for plan "B" possibilities. Plan "B" is what God's reality is for our lives. True, plan "B" can be painful and it can be unpleasant, but we were never guaranteed an easy ride through this life. Jesus tells us that we WILL have troubles, but don't worry ... He has given us exactly what we need to overcome the trials and troubles.

Now that I'm older I know that sometimes Plan "B" requires that we learn a lesson, sometimes it's just a matter of getting our eyes off of our wants. I also find the greatest joys I have had include (David Crowder Quote) "A Beautiful Collision". That's the point in which God's will for my life and my hearts truest desire collide. God's plan for my life has turned out WAY better than the measly plans I thought up! We worry and stress too much! But we are commanded in Scripture to turn all our anxieties over to God and let Him worry for us (1 Peter 5:6-7). I'm all in favor of "letting go and let God" because I manage to botch things up every time without even trying!

So the moral of this story? Want less stress? Turn it over to God and TURN LOOSE, you're going to need both hands for this adventure ride! Have a great day everyone! Tim

A Beautiful Collision/David Crowder

The breaking makes a sound I never knew

Could be so beautiful and loud

Fury filled and we collide

So courageous until now, fumbling and scared

So afraid You'll find me out

Alone here with my doubt

Here it comes, a beautiful collision

Is happening now

There seems no end to where You begin and

There I am now

You and I collide

Something circling inside

Spaciously you fly, infinite and wide

Like the moon and sky, collide

Here it comes now

Dancing

I hope you never lose your sense of wonder

You get your fill to eat but always keep that hunger

May you never take one single breath for granted

God forbid love ever leave you empty-handed

I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean

Whenever one door closes, I hope one more opens

Promise me that you'll give faith a fighting chance

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance

I hope you dance, I hope you dance

I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance

Never settle for the path of least resistance

Livin' might mean takin' chances, but they're worth takin'

Lovin' might be a mistake, but it's worth makin'

Don't let some hell-bent heart leave you bitter

When you come close to sellin' out, reconsider

Give the heavens above more than just a passing glance

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance

I hope you dance, I hope you dance

I hope you dance, I hope you dance

(Time is a wheel in constant motion, always rolling us along

Tell me who wants to look back on their years

And wonder, where those years have gone)

I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean

Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens

Promise me that you'll give faith a fighting chance

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance

Dance, I hope you dance

I hope you dance, I hope you dance

I hope you dance, I hope you dance

(Time is a wheel in constant motion always rolling us along

Tell me who wants to look back on their years

And wonder where those years have gone)

~Author Unknown Strikes

Just As I Am

Even though it got beat to death by over-use during altar calls ("We're going to sing this again, for the 27th time, softly and quietly, and if one more soul will come, we'll sing it 28 times...")

....BUT, the theology of it is tender and wonderful and reminds me of the love of my Hero. "...fighting fears within, fears without, oh Lamb of God I come."

Just as I Am, Without One PleaBy: Charlotte Elliott

Just as I am, without one plea

But that thy blood was shed for me

And that thou bidd’st me come to thee

O Lamb of God, I come, I come.

Just as I am and waiting not

To rid my soul of one dark blot,

To thee, whose blood can cleanse each spot,

O Lamb of God, I come, I come.

Just as I am, though tossed about

With many a conflict, many a doubt,

Fightings and fears within, fears without,

O Lamb of God, I come, I come.

Just as I am, poor, wretched, blind;

Sight, riches, healing of the mind,

Yea, all I need, in thee to find,

O Lamb of God, I come, I come.

Just as I am, thou wilt receive,

Wilt welcome, pardon, cleanse, relieve;

Because thy promise I believe,

O Lamb of God, I come, I come.

Just a I am; thy love unknown

Has broken every barrier down;

Now to be thine, yea, thine alone,

O Lamb of God, I come, I come.

Wisdom of Relient K

One of my daughters favorite groups is Reliant K. Here is some bits of a bunch of songs to leave you with. To warn people, I've done different colors to show that it's not 1 song lol.

"And this one last bullet you mention
Is my one last shot at redemption
Cause I know to live you must give your life away"

"And this life sentence that I'm serving
I admit, that I'm every bit deserving
But the beauty of grace is that it makes life not fair"

"And all I'm asking is for you to do what you can with me
But I can't ask you to give what you already gave"

"And all I
Was trying
To do was save my own skin
Oh, but so were you
So were you"

"And sometimes I think that I'm not any good at all
And sometimes I wonder why, why I'm even here at all
But then you assure me
I'm a little more than useless
And when I think that I can't do this
You promise me that I'll get through this
And do something right
Do something right for once"

" think we're going somewhere.
We're on to something good here.
Out of mind, out of state.
Trying to keep my head on straight.
I think we're going somewhere.
We're on to something good here.
There's only one thing left to do.
Drop all I have and go with you.
Somewhere back there I left my worries all behind.
My problems fell out of the back of my mind.
We're going and I'm never knowing (never knowing) where we're going.
To go back to where I was would just be wrong.
I'm pressing on."

"People make mistakes.
We took the apple from the snake.
And it always is the same: gotta find someone to blame."

"He'll seek and destroy everything that I enjoy.
But, I won't be the one he takes down.
No, I won't breakdown."

"I lay my life before you, and I'm not getting up.
Father, how I adore you.
Those words are not enough."

"Never underestimate my Jesus.
You're telling me that there's no hope.
I'm telling you, you're wrong.
Never underestimate my Jesus.
When the world around you crumbles,
he will be strong.
He will be strong."

"Give it a go or throw in the towel.
Stand all alone or swim through the crowd.
No one around to help you decide.
It's time to make up your mind.
It's time to make up your mind."

"Precision we take, seeking direction.
But there's so many lies.
Unsure where we can look.
But, we've got a guide-a really thick handbook.
No one around to help you decide
It's time to make up your mind.
It's time to make up your mind."

"The world just keeps you at arm's length
Every week you work up the strength to fight the flames that are hurled
Let your faith shine right through
You know it's the world versus Jesus and you"

Have a blessed evening everyone!

Make Me A Channel of Your Peace

It is shortly after 6am, and the alarm just blared waking me from my slumber on this Resurrection Day. As I laid in bed for a few minutes, praying and mentally preparing for this day, a song popped into my head. “Make Me a Channel of Your Peace,” an adaptation of the Prayer of St. Francis.

Here is a link to the video of this song:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jRvtkZs7oNg&feature=related

One might wonder why this particular song came into my head today instead of the usual Easter classics – but it was the contrast of the phrase “where there is darkness, only light” that brought it to mind on this Easter morning. Today we celebrate the resurrection of Jesus the Christ – God’s light overcoming darkness, God’s hope overcoming despair, God’s forgiveness overcoming wrong.

I don't want to infringe on copyright laws so I won't share the lyrics of “Make Me a Channel of Your Peace” on this site. However, here is the Prayer of St. Francis from which it originated …

Lord, make me an instrument of Thy peace;

where there is hatred, let me sow love;

where there is injury, pardon;

where there is doubt, faith;

where there is despair, hope;

where there is darkness, light;

and where there is sadness, joy.

O Divine Master,

grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console;

to be understood, as to understand;

to be loved, as to love;

for it is in giving that we receive,

it is in pardoning that we are pardoned,

and it is in dying that we are born to Eternal Life.

Amen.
As we go forth proclaiming and celebrating the resurrection today, may it be done with this prayer in mind.

OK, better roll here ... Have a most blessed Easter everyone!

For every heart ...

This is a beautiful song by Twila Paris, this one is called, "Every Heart That is Breaking" and I hope you will have opportunity to hear it.

For the young abandoned husband

Left alone without a reason

For the pilgrim in the city

Where there is no home

For the son without a father

For his solitary mother

I have a message

He sees you, He knows you

He loves you, He loves you

Every heart that is breaking, tonight

Is the heart of a child that he holds in his sight.

And, oh, how He longs to hold in his arms

Every heart that is breaking, tonight

Every heart that is breaking, tonight

For every heart

For the precious fallen daughter

For her devastated father

For the prodigal whos dieing in a strange new way

For the child whos always hungry

For the patriot with no country

I have a message

He sees you, He knows you

He loves you, Jesus loves you

Every heart that is breaking, tonight

Is the heart of a child that he holds in his sight.

And, oh, how He longs to hold in his arms

Every heart that is breaking, tonight

Every heart that is breaking, tonight

Every heart that is breaking, tonight

For every heart ...

Twila Paris

The video:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WWxFjufgC24

I have been thinking a lot about a thread where we discussed the heartbreak and loneliness that most of us have had at one time or another, though some have had to endure much more tragic experiences than others. Paul said in 1 Cor 9:3-6, "This is my defense to those who sit in judgment on me. Don't we have the right to food and drink? Don't we have the right to take a believing wife along with us, as do the other apostles and the Lord's brothers, and Cephas? Or is it only I and Barnabas who must work for a living?" He finishes his defense with an illustration of a runner in strict training, and stating how he also subjugated his body to attain the crown that will last forever. Sometimes I read into this an inkling of "I wish it (bachelorhood) weren't the plan, yet I will embrace God's will for me", and wonder if he had his moments of Gethsemane, praying for that cup to be taken away. Any thoughts?

Bending the Knee of My Heart

From the Prayer of Manassah:

O Lord and Ruler of the hosts of heaven,
God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob,
and of all their righteous offspring:

You made the heavens and the earth,
with all their vast array.

All things quake with fear at your presence;
they tremble because of your power.

But your merciful promise is beyond all measure;
it surpasses all that our minds can fathom.

O Lord, you are full of compassion,
long-suffering, and abounding in mercy.

You hold back your hand;
you do not punish as we deserve.

In your great goodness, Lord,
you have promised forgiveness to sinners,
that they may repent of their sin and be saved.

And now, O Lord, I bend the knee of my heart,
and make my appeal, sure of your gracious goodness.

I love that phrase: "I bend the knee of my heart." It's the image of

radical trust!

The Floating World

The Floating World- by Daniel Goodman

You see the artist in me

So I turn towards

LightWords form something to give

I love with love given me

I give you gift that's in me

I know I'm in between now

This floating world, the fragments I know

Of your life and all that it means I wait for your light to come down

I wait like I always will wait, for you

Here now, all that you are

I'm sure, I know I can come

My life, held in your hand

I love with love given meI give you the gift that's in me

I wait for your Light to come down

I wait like I always will wait, for you

These lyrics are playing on my computer right now... and I am enjoying them so I thought I'd share them with you. Have a blessed evening everyone!

"Psalm"

Sometimes a person can get some of the most beautiful things from the most off the wall places and here is one of them by Roxy Music!

“Psalm”
(ferry)

Try on your love

Like a new dress

The fit and the cut

Your friends to impress

Try on your smile -

Square on your face

Showing affection

Should be no disgrace

Try out your god

Hope he will send

Kindness from strangers

On whom you depend

Try on his coat

A mantle most fine

Myriad colours

His harmony-thine

Believe in me

Once seemed a good line

Now belief in Jesus

Is faith more sublime

Head in the clouds

But I can´t see the lord

Short of perfection

I´ll try to be good

I´ll stand at his gate

I´ll wait for his sign

Then i´ll walk in his garden

When it´s my time

Drink from his cup

Hush now don´t you cry

His quiet waters

Will never, never run dry

Nearing death´s vale

He´s here by my side

He leads me to paradise

A mountain so high
Don´t be afraid

Just treasure his word

Singing his praises

I know that i´ll be heard

He´s gonna take you by the hand

He´s gonna make you feel so good

Open up your eyes

And then you´ll see all that you should

Forget all your troubles

You will feel no pain

He´s all that you need

He´s your everything

When i´m feeling all at sea

Deliverance is that distant shore

I will not be worried

Someday his house will be my home

For ever more,

For ever more …

I just love this song!

Every day is New Year's Day!

I thought I'd post something positive for the year ahead - a little song that's inspired me at times ....

New Years Day ~ Carolyn Arends

I buy a lot of diaries
Fill them full of good intentions
Each and every New Year's Eve
I make myself a list
All the things I'm gonna change
Until January 2nd
So this time I'm making one promise

CHORUS:
This will be my resolution
Every day is New Year's Day
This will be my resolution
Every day is New Year's Day

I believe it's possible
I believe in new beginnings
'Cause I believe in Christmas Day
And Easter morning too
And I'm convinced it's doable
'Cause I believe in second chances
Just the way that I believe in you

This will be my resolution
Every day is New Year's Day
This could start a revolution
Every day is...

The video here:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7qzOYCS4UtA


Remember:

Today is a Gift - that is why it is called the Present.

The Past is only in the Present as long as we dwell upon it.

I wish you all the very best for 2009!!!!